It’s been awhile and it seems that this blog of mine end up as a place for expression of dissappointment thoughts and feelings. Not something that I look forward to; to get it documented here but I guess it’s a way of me restraining myself from committing something that might bring bad consequences to myself in the near future.

I’m lucky that I have supportive circles of friends but they may not be there everytime for me. I may be seen as strong person but there would be also time where I’m alone and fragile.

Often I fight the inner side of me, trying to see the positive pictures but then again I have doubt in myself that I might not be able bearing with it any longer.

What I do know now is that I just need to release this dissappointment out and hoping that I’ll be fine the next day.

Everybody deserve to be appreciated,don’t they? Including me. But I don’t feel it that way.

:’(

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

When the semester ends, I worked on the university annual dinner event. I was really pumped up as I believe working on it early (with limited budget) would give sufficient time to plan and organize every single detail (well, that’s me).

However, ever since being diagnosed with this ‘crap’, I’ve lost my enthusiasm in doing anything. The inflammation was so bad that it affected my vision. I can’t see or stare at things for few seconds as it would causes teary eyes (kinda remind me of my first time experience putting on contact lens) and that encourage me to rub the eye (I am actually doing it while working on this post) most of the time.

On the other note, despite the fact making early preparations on the annual dinner, things don’t seem to go smoothly. More than 10 prospect sponsors were approached and only few responded, although the organizing team consist of many heads only 2 heads are really ‘functioning’, cash in advance request was submitted a month ago and when followed up, I was ‘slap’ on the face that it was pending for their boss signature, when followed up on the grand prizes item which I placed order a month ago, again I was ‘slapped’ for the second time. The person in charge even has the guts to ask me to follow up the item myself.

Not to mention, having to deal with the organizing team member ridiculous request “I’ll be wearing something short that night. Can you not assign me to go on stage?”, “There are people who dislike me so don’t assign me to go on stage. Even if you have to, make sure I don’t stand there too long”.

Arrghhhhh so much drama!!

I wish I have the guts to say “I am just following your procedure and now you’re asking me to do your job. Fuck you!” straight on their fugly faces but I didn’t. Instead I showed them my black face with ‘naïve’ replies “I see. How about giving me the cash advance next year?”, “If I were to order the item online, it will be delivered to me within 2 weeks time. I think Opti Primus is located outside Miri that’s why it hasn’t been delivered yet. Yes?”

Does that even count for having guts? I think it’ was more on being temperamental. You think so? (back in the head says “wait till I’ll be someone like Kimora!”)

Anyway, I have to be positive coz I want a positive result. I am putting all of these negatives aside to give way for positivity. So, bring it on.