I Love You, Pak
How have you been? I hope things are fine with you. I’m sorry for not keeping in touch with you that often but nevertheless you’re always in my thought no matter what I do or wherever I go. You always have that special place in my heart, will always do.
They said; life is short hence live life to the fullest.
I’m writing this not because this is a suicide note from me. I’m writing this because I want you to know your child’s thoughts about you. I’m writing this because I don’t want to die with regrets for not doing the right thing between us. I’m writing this so that I can look back, read this all over again and remember this particular day: the day I truly opened up to you.
For whatever has happened between us, it is fated that way and I am accepting the way as it is written. Like any adult would do, I am (we all do) accepting things maturely although it’s bitter but time will definitely heal. We all do have our own lacking and imperfection but that’s not the reason to hate or love each other unequally.
From baby, to toddler, to teenager and now a grown up woman, you’ve always there for me albeit the harsh words and beatings along the process of growing up, you never give up on me not even a bit.
I remembered you as a caring and loving person although you were the man with fewer words. You would pamper me by fulfilling whatever my request when I fall sick. You would always plan family outing during the weekends and school holidays with the cute little red Mini Austin. You would laughed, teased and played with me (with the other siblings too). You would encourage me to study smart and even stand up for me especially when mom ‘attack’ me on my studies. You even took few months off to be with mom during her chemotherapy sessions.
I also remembered you as someone with high discipline. When I’m not doing that well in my studies, you would throw harsh words to me. When I am seen talking to boys, you would warn me from not talking to them again and got me grounded. When I rebel, you would give me a hard smack on the butt and on my calves with your leather belt.
I hated you so much for that (at that time), Pak.
But then, as I grow older, I begin to understand, it may be seen as a harsh way to educate children by others but yet I am thankful for what I have been through. Pak, despite all of the harsh words and beatings, I still love you as what you are. The experience teaches me to be strong, smart and stand up for whatever I believe in.
You have made me of what I am today.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for bringing me to the world. Thank you for giving me a beautiful name. Thank you for the lifetime experiences. Thank you for the supports. Thank you for being my father. No matter what comes in between, you’ll always be my father till eternity. Pak, I’m just a phone call away. Please feel free to call me. I’ll be your ear and shoulder to lean on.
Happy Father’s Day, Pak. I love you and will always do.